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Photo credit: Seth Grotzke.

Ultra Running New Year’s Resolutions with a Difference

03-Jan-18

Last updated: 29-Aug-18

By Seth Grotzke

Most lists of New Year’s Resolutions are fairly similar. There is the standard “eat healthier,” “exercise more,” and “be more mindful.” But many ultra runners find it difficult to write up a list of resolutions that is worthy of sticking to the cubicle wall. So, in order to spur you on to a better you, I have compiled some of the top New Year’s Resolutions for ultra runners.

  1. Gain running weight for your hundred miler this fall. You cut it too close this past year and it would be wise to pack on some winter weight. Go back for thirds. And no more of the green, leafy things.
  2. Take dedicated time off of extreme exercise in order to heal. You were too consistent this past year. Too much exercise. Set your watch to remind you to sit down throughout the day.
  3. Take some time away to play video games, binge watch netflix, or just stare at your phone in order to take your mind off of your training plan. (This will also help you connect with everyone else at the office.)
  4. Force yourself to eat something from the standard menu at the drive thru so your family isn’t quite so embarrassed as you interrogate the cashier if this fits with your Pollotarian, Pescatarian, Flexitarian, Fruitarian, Vegetarian, Vegan or Raw “lifestyle”.
  5. Don’t read as many books as last year. This nasty habit was the reason you signed up for the 100 in the first place, ran without shoes for the month of February (still a painful memory), and decided that the desert of Morocco would be an excellent idea for the family vacation this year.
  6. Spend less time thinking. All those hours on the trail last year made you reevaluate your purpose in life and your responsibilities as a spouse/parent/child/community member. This year can be different! Maybe you won’t downsize your home, look for a more fulfilling job, or actually have to apologize to your family for being so self-absorbed. 
  7. Don’t travel as much. You need to start thinking, “Weekend = Lawn work”. No more of this gallivanting around, up-at-dawn and down-at-dusk nonsense. Believe me, your own bed misses you and needs your presence. Stop thinking about yourself for once.
  8. Don’t meet any new people. Your social media feed is full. Read my Facebook lips, “TOO MANY FRIENDS.” So what if you spent a weekend chatting it up on the trail and signed up for the same string of races this year? Keep to yourself. Don’t smile. No eye contact. And for sure don’t encourage anyone as you are running. What kind of a person were you becoming, anyway?
  9. Stop smoking.

Happy New Year everyone!

You can follow Seth on Twitter.

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Skibear

03:04 04-01-18

Wise words, except reading less of course, that's just crazy talk.